Burbage, Alex
D.O.B: 31/4/1978
AGE: 34
GENDER: M
STREET ADDRESS: 1422 Missouri Avenue
TOWN/CITY: Fort Worth
STATE: Texas
HEIGHT: 5'11
WEIGHT: 165lbs
ETHNICITY: Caucasian
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: I have quite a few tattoos. One of them says "Carpe Diem" which means seize the day. I got that one after I returned from war. I've also got a few others, tribal designs, that sort of thing, just because I liked them really.
I also have scars from war. And some... Other scars. Not that I tell people that, though. As far as anyone knows, they're all from war, or from work. I don't like to talk about how I really got them. Many of them are from work in one form or another, but some are self harm.
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Medical History
Do you have any ongoing medical issues for which you require treatment or medication?:I take pain killers as required for my arm though, for when it gets really sore. Sometimes I use a cream, sometimes tablets. It all depends what I have available. I also have physiotherapy on my arm if it seizes up. I have therapy for my self harm and depression, and for my alcohol dependency.
Are you aware of any allergies? If so, please list allergy, age of onset and any medications or treatments you require or recieve:None that I'm aware of.
Have you had any surgeries or invasive procedures in the past? If yes, please list reason and approximate age of procedure:I've had several different surgeries in the past, actually.
I had my tonsils out when I was quite young. I was seven at the time, actually. That was when we lived in Washington.
I was in the army until I was 28 when I was discharged after some shrapnel went into my arm just over a year earlier. They removed it in the operating theatre on the field. I don't remember a whole lot about it, but as I am now unable to use a fire-arm (or move my arm in general at a greater angle than 40%), I was medically discharged.
Since then, I've had tubes shoved down my throat to have my stomach pumped. I don't know if you'd count that as an invasive procedure here, but it
was pretty invasive I have to say.
Do you take any medications or supplements daily? Do you follow any treatment plans? Please list medications or treatments, and reasons below:I have therapy regularly, and the medication for my arm that I told you about earlier. I also have physiotherapy on my arm if it seizes up any more, which is particularly common during the winter months. I take 150mg of Effexor (Venlafaxine) each daily. I have it in 3 separate doses of 50mg per time (2 tablets) for my depression. My therapist recommended that it might need to be increased further while I am here though.
Do you use tobacco, consume alcohol, or use any other drugs including street drugs and/or prescription medications not prescribed to you? If yes, please list number of packs a day, number of drinks a day, and/or drugs consumed below:Yes. I drink alcohol quite regularly. I'd say I go through a bottle of Jack Daniels in a night, if I'm given the chance to. And I smoke a packet a day as well. More if I'm stressed.
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Psychiatric Screening
Please describe, to the best of your ability, your emotional and mental state of wellbeing:I'm stressed a lot of the time at the moment and I think that has probably been what lead me to being sent here. I'm not as bad as some of my old colleagues that I know, though. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones that hasn't had too many long lasting effects from my time at war. I usually drink to forget and destress, but I suppose that's not the best solution. But I've come to rely on the alcohol more than I really ought to.
I don't think I was doing too badly until I became unable to do my job in the army. It put me under a lot of stress because of course the bills couldn't be paid so easily then. I didn't have a house at the time - I still lived with my brother, technically, so it wasn't so bad at first. But then of course after a while I wasn't able to stay in the hospital any longer, having recovered as far as I could, and I had to find some sort of job and place to live. This alone made me quite depressed, and I suppose I started drinking more then as well really.
I had to move away from everything I had come to know in Texas when I was eventually offered a job in Nevada. It was a lonely existance being there, and I only ended up feeling more depressed because I was separated from the people I cared about. I started to drink more, and I think the only thing that made me stop the drinking in the next few months was Jenny.
I felt a lot better when I was back with Jenny, and the kids of course, but when she died, I turned to the drink again. That meant that I wouldn't be able to see her again, and it hurt more than anything else I had been through. I tried to be there for my kids, but I just felt so useless. I could barely do anything for them, what with it being difficult to use my arm.
And now, I just feel hopeless, useless, like a waste of space. The kids have coped with it so well, and then I'm there like some sort of gibbering wreck most of the time. I drink more than I ever did before, and I've tried to kill myself a few times. I just want her back, but I know that can never happen. And that hurts more than you would ever believe. I don't know how I'm going to cope without her. But I have to. I have to for the kids.
Have you been diagnosed with any psychiatric or psychological ailments? Please list any diagnoses below, and the treatments or medications prescribed to you. Please include name of medications, dosage, and number of doses per day:I've been diagnosed as a Substance Abuser because of my dependance on alcohol. I just need to get away from being able to buy it more than anything. I think if I was in a secure facility like Hallowsgate I wouldn't be able to get any alcohol and therefore I think I would be able to recover from this in time. I'd like to have some support with this from a psychiatrist because I don't think I could cope with this alone.
I also have depression. I was recently hospitalized after I tried to kill myself, and this is the main reason that my therapist recommended that I fill in this application to come to a secure institute like Hallowsgate. I currently have bandages around my wrists from the last time I self harmed, having had a lot to drink, and tried to kill myself. It made me realise how dangerous I am around my children though, who now live with Jenny's parents, but I want to get better for them.
Have you ever been hospitalised or referred to regular outpatient care due to these ailments or associated incidents? If so, please note where, and at roughly what age:I've been hospitalised for attempted suicide in the last month or so. I have been stressed recently and after having a few too many drinks (not that I don't usually have a few too many anyway...) suicide seemed like the most reasonable way out at the time.
I was also hospitalised a few times when I needed to have my stomach pumped after the amount of drink I had consumed. In a sense, these times could also be classed as suicide attempts, I suppose. These have taken place over the last couple of years.
How have these ailments affected you and your life? Are there any major life instances you feel have been directly affected by these ailments, such as suicide attempts, criminal activities, etc?:The drinking undoubtedly contributed to my suicide attempts, and self harm. If I had never turned to drinking in the first place things might have been better. But I think if I had turned to something else instead, for example drugs, things could also have been a lot worse, and the suicide attempts could've been more successful.
What is your social life like? Do you have many friends or relationships? How are your family relationships?:Right now, my social life is non-existant. I don't really feel like going out and meeting new people since my wife died. It has made me feel quite depressed a lot of the time. The kids live with her parents now because I was deemed an unfit parent after I ended up in hospital after drinking too much. I still see them sometimes, but I don't think I'm a particularly good parent, even if they try to tell me I'm a good dad.
I still see my brother quite regularly, probably a few times a month, but he has his own life now and I don't interfere unless he asks me to.
Do you believe your life circumstances have contributed to any ailments? If so, what circumstances, and why do you feel they have contributed?:I don't doubt that certain things did contribute to my desire to end my life. If I had more movement in my arm I would be able to do more for myself and I would feel less like a burden to other people. So naturally, joining the military didn't help.
But my wife dying has certainly had more of an impact on my life than anything else did. She meant everything to me. And it was all so unexpected. I never thought she wouldn't be there. I often wondered why I survived the car crash and she didn't. She didn't deserve to die. She was too young for that. I'm only glad the kids weren't with us, or they could've died too.
If you could change one past event that has happened to you, what would it be, and why?:I would've switched places with Jenny in that car crash so that I died and she survived. I would do anything to go back to that day and make sure that
somehow I was in the driving seat and not her. I know I can't drive, but somehow... Somehow, I wish she could've lived.
Do you wish to rehabilitate from your ailment(s)? If so, how do you feel this would best be accomplished?:I want to get better. I want to be a better father for my children. I want to be there for them when they grow up. They've already lost one parent. It was selfish of me to try to kill myself, and yet I can't bring myself to stop trying. I want to be back with Jenny, but I don't want to leave the kids. I shouldn't try to kill myself again. I want to be somewhere that they can help me, to stop me doing something I'll only end up regretting again. I didn't want to leave the kids, but I just end up feeling unbelievably sad sometimes, especially when I drink.
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Environmental History
Where did you grow up? Please list the location(s) and describe what it was like growing up there:I grew up in Washington, living there until my dad left when I was 10. I liked living there. I had a fair few friends. It was a pretty decent neighbourhood, the area in which we lived. My brother had a lot of friends too. We argued a lot more when we lived in Washington though. I think we were more separate people at that age. He was four years younger than me and I suppose I had my friends and he had his. I liked the parks and the football there though. My dad took me and my brother to some of the games, even though none of us supported any of the teams we saw. It was nice to see some games though.
When dad left, my mom hated living in that area with all the memories she had of him there, so she moved us to Utah for a fresh start. It was a bit weird going to Utah and leaving everything we knew behind though. I missed my friends a lot, and of course my dad as well, even though he was strict and I didn't get on really well with him. But it was okay. I got used to it. I've not seen my dad since he left.
I went to high school there and made a lot of friends. I wasn't the most popular kid or anything, but I certainly wasn't disliked. When my brother came to the high school though, he was always fighting with people and that made it a little tougher at school. When mom died though, his behaviour got worse at first. He had to see therapists for it, which of course cost money. Once I had finished school later that year, I went straight out and got a job to cover the cost of his therapy, and all the bills we had to pay. It wasn't too bad because mom and dad had both left us some money, and we were really grateful for that.
I worked in a gym for a few years, getting a lifeguard certificate and I began to train to become a personal trainer. I made quite a few friends doing that as well. But once my brother left school, I applied to join the US Military. I was sent to train with the army and deployed to Iraq at the start of the Second Iraq War.
When I came back home after I was medically discharged, my brother had a family and he was living with them in the house in Utah. Initially I stayed in a specialist hospital that focused on army injuries in El Paso, Texas until I was able to look after myself again. While I was there, I met a nurse, Jenny. We kept in touch for a while, went on a few dates, that sort of thing, but I was offered a job as a security guard watching the CCTV for a club in Vegas. I needed the money and therefore I moved away, leaving Jenny behind in Texas.
While I was there, I became something of an alcoholic. I missed Jenny, and Craig for that matter. I had moved there for a fresh start in a new place, but really I just wanted to go home to Texas. I started to drink whenever I wasn't working. My co-workers were nice enough people but I didn't hit it off with any of them like I had done in the army. And they were all able to work as ordinary security guards in the club, whereas I was confined to a little office just watching them because I couldn't defend myself as well as they could. I was still getting used to the limited mobility in my arm but that made me unsuitable to have on the floor of the club as I was told it made me an easy target.
I suppose being locked up in an office watching CCTV all day meant that I didn't get to socialise with my co-workers and what I had originally thought would be a good job turned out to be a lonely one. The drink became something I could rely on, and something I could spend my time even though it wasn't good for me. I needed to pay the bills somehow though, so I didn't bother to look for another job at that time. The pay was good, even if it was lonely.
Six months later, Jenny called me and told me she had given birth to a girl. I hadn't known she was pregnant until she rang me the night after she gave birth to our daughter. I couldn't believe that I was a father, and naturally I agreed to go back to Texas to live with her and our baby, Gemma. I hadn't wanted to leave Texas in the first place because it just felt like home to me, and I loved Jenny with all my heart, but it hadn't been working out because she worked long hours at the hospital and I barely saw her. Once she had Gemma though and became a housewife, we spent much more time together and soon got married when we realised we were simply made for each other. I don't believe in love at first site, but that was what it was.
I went back to Texas, to Fort Worth, and I moved in with Jenny. It was great there. I've lived there ever since, in fact, and I have no intention of leaving, to be honest. I didn't like moving around when I was younger and I don't want my kids to have to move around like I did.
What was your family life like? Did you spend much time with your parents? Do you have any siblings? If so, what are your relationships like?:My dad left when I was 10, but I didn't really get on well with him anyway. He was rather strict, and I was always a bit rebellious as a child. I guess my mom just spoiled me more than he did, and I became something of a mommy's boy. But when she died when I was 17 years old, I became my brother's legal guardian and I suppose I manned up. I joined the army aged 22, when my brother turned 18 and was old enough to look after himself.
I still see my brother regularly, as I said before. Either I go to Utah to see him for a long weekend, or him and his family comes to see me. It's nice to spend time with him as we get on quite well. We always did, even though we had our fair few arguments, as brothers typically do.
I met Jenny when I was sent back home to Texas. She was a nurse in the hospital in El Paso and we just got along so well right from the first time we met. It was strange, considering that I never really had feelings like that for anyone before, but it was love. Plain and simple. Of course, her job was an important one though, and when I left the hospital we didn't see each other as often. We went on a few dates and spent a few nights together, but we didn't spend as much time together as I would have liked. I was offered a job up in Nevada and she had her job in Texas, so we went separate ways for a few months.
Then one day she rang me up out of the blue to tell me I was a father. It was shocking, really shocking. I hadn't been expecting that at all. I quit my job in Nevada and went back down to Texas to live with her in Fort Worth. The first time I met my daughter was amazing. I guess it hadn't really sunk in that I was really a father until I saw her, and held her for the first time. I can't help smiling every time I think about it. I'm so glad I did come back to Texas. That was probably one of the best days of my life.
I married Jenny when I was 30. We didn't really hang around, considering we had a child. Gemma was only a month old at the time. We had another child, a boy named Ashton, about a year and a bit later. Life was great, and I really thought it couldn't get any better. And then Jenny died in a car accident. It was completely unexpected and it changed everything. Nothing has really been the same since. I miss her a lot. She was everything to me.
I love both my children with all my heart, but it's hard given that their mother isn't around now. I still love her with all my heart, of course. But I'm deemed unfit to look after them now, since I tried to kill myself. I didn't... I didn't want to lose them. That wasn't in the plan. I didn't mean to let the kids get hurt too, it was just the alcohol talking... I think...
What was school like? Did you have any problems? Did you enjoy school? What were your grades like?:School was good. I got good grades. Not the top in every class or anything like that, but I did okay. I passed everything, at least. I enjoyed school, not that I would've admitted it at the time. I wanted to go to college, but the situation at the time didn't really lend itself to that. Most of my college fund went on schooling for Craig, my brother.
I think the only real problem I had at school was that my attendance wasn't great when my mom died. I was diagnosed with depression at the time, but with the help of Amitryptiline and some therapy I managed to recover soon enough. I had the support of my friends, and of course my brother, and that helped a lot at the time.
Did you engage in any extracurricular activities, such as academic, artistic, or sporting clubs?:I did join some of the sports teams, mainly things like football, but I never made the team. I was just an extra, a substitute that never got used. But I didn't mind. At least I managed to train with them though. It was what lead to me becoming interested in excercise and getting a job at the local gym. And, I suppose, being fit enough to join the army as well, actually.
What was work like? Did you have any problems? Did you enjoy your work? What were your coworker relationships like?:Working at the gym was a lot of fun. I got to do one of the things I love the most as a job, so really it was perfect. I got on well with my co-workers therem and I got in some training and got a lifeguard certificate and started a course to become a personal trainer. It wasn't what I really wanted to do with my life though. I always wanted to join the army, so it made sense for me to do so once I was old enough and my brother was on his feet.
I enlisted in the army when I was 22 years old. I was able to get in fairly easily based on fitness levels but I still had to do a year's worth of training with the army before I was deemed to be fit enough for war. I continued to train at my base in Fort Hood, Texas, for a few months before I was deployed with the rest of the 6th Field Artillery Regiment to Bamberg in Germany, where the regiment had previously been stationed during the War in the Former Yugoslavia to help with security. During my time in Bamberg, I reached the rank of Specialist.
I was deployed to Iraq as part of the Multi-National Force in May 2004 with the 6th Field Artillery Regiment. By this time, we were quite a close group. I had some good friends that I served with, and the assignments in Bamberg lead to us becoming closer and trusting each other. This proved to be very helpful when we were finally deployed to war because the trust was already there and didn't need to form through battle.
While I was in Iraq, whenever we had a few days away from the front line or doing some form of work for the government, I took to using the gym facilities that were provided. I always had loved the gym, and I made a few more friends from my regiment through the gym there. It was nice to train together, just as many of us had done back at Fort Hood.
One day when we were fighting though, a grenade went off nearby between some cars and debris was sent everywhere. I don't remember a lot about what happened, but I remember hitting the floor and being unable to get up again. I think I must've passed out, because the next thing I saw was the ceiling in a hospital in Iraq. I was informed I had surgery to remove shrapnel and that I may never recover use of my arm. It was a hard thing to come to terms with, considering that I couldn't even remember getting there. I had also broken my leg in the blast, but that healed with no real problems at all and I was up and walking around again within a few months. It was difficult to walk with my leg in plaster considering I couldn't use my arm, though.
I was sent back home to Texas to a specialist hospital in El Paso along with a couple of my friends that had also received injuries. They recovered fairly quickly, thankfully, but I was still there in the hospital in El Paso several months after they had returned to active duty. I was able to walk again with no problems at all from the broken leg, and I had regained some movement in my arm. I was glad to find I could move it more with physiotherapy, but at that point it was only moveable to 20%. I was informed that this was because of severed nerves in my arm that couldn't be fixed, and that while I would potentially be able to move my arm a little more with continued therapy on it, I would never regain full movement and it would always be painful.
It was at this point that I was told I may have to be medically discharged. I was seen as a liability, and the only jobs I would've been able to do were things like running errands, or telling families that someone wouldn't ever be coming home. Those sorts of jobs weren't of any interest at all, and therefore I took the medical discharge instead because I didn't want to just be pushed around with no way to advance in my career. I enjoyed being in the army to some extent, although of course the things you see at war are never good things. I wished that I could have stayed there for longer. I didn't want to be medically discharged but I didn't really have any choice.
I couldn't do the sort of work I was trained to do all of a sudden. I had to change career paths althogether. I decided in the end that I would look for a job in the security track because it would mean that I could still use my training, even if I was just reporting what I was seeing to other people. But I needed to have a reasonably well paid job in order to pay all the bills.
I started to get depressed when I couldn't find a job, and couldn't do the work I had done for most of my life. I found it quite hard to change everything I was used to. I turned to drinking in the evenings to help with destressing and to allow me to unwind for a few hours after I had spent the day looking for work.
In the end I found a well paid job in one of the night clubs in Vegas. I didn't have to do much, just sit there and watch the screen until something happened, at which point I had to report it to the security guards in the main club, and if necessary to the police. It was a fairly good job, but then I had to leave to go back to Jenny. She was far more important to me than any job would ever be.
When I returned to Texas I got a job as a telephone salesman. It was all I could find, and we needed the money. Jenny was at home with Gemma and couldn't work because we couldn't afford the childcare costs that babysitters would charge, and she wanted to stay at home as a housewife. I was happy for her to do that, and sales seemed to be the best option at the time. Jenny had Ashton a year or so later and remained a stay at home mom and housewife.
The work wasn't exactly taxing. All I had to do was answer the telephone, make a few calls, convince people to buy things for a cut of the money and occasionally send out some emails or letters to people. It was nothing like the work I was used to doing. It was nothing like what I wanted to do at all, infact. But it was better than having no job at all, and the hours were decent enough. I was able to spend a lot of time with Jenny, and that was the most important thing to me. I wanted to make sure I had time for my family, and that way, I did.
I worked there for the next two years, until the day Jenny was killed in a car crash. I escaped with no injuries at all, save for a small scratch on my face where the glass shattered and a shard scratched me as it came into the car. Jenny was dead on impact. That was the worst day of my life and I'll never forget seeing her lying there motionless.
I gave up work that day to take care of the kids, but that didn't last long because I turned to the drink more than I already had done since being discharged from the military. Craig found me on the kitchen floor passed out a couple of weeks after Jenny died. He had come down from Utah to see if I was alright. I essentially put the kids in danger with what I did, drinking enough to pass out. Since Jenny died, I've been in no fit state to work. And things have just been getting worse. I'm a financial wreck. And my mental state state sank faster than the titanic.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime or misdemeanour? If yes, please explain, list conviction, and list any sentences associated with convictions:No, I haven't ever been convicted of any crimes.
Lastly, please tell us about yourself. How do you feel about yourself and what you have done with your life? If you have committed crimes, how do you feel about those now? What are your hopes for the future?:I want to get my kids back. I'm doing it for them, more than anything. I feel like I've let them down so badly recently. It's horrendous, how badly I've let them down. I should never have tried to end it all. But I didn't know what else to do.
I'd like to get a job in the future, maybe work in sales again. Of course I'd like to go back to my security job, but I wouldn't want to put my life in danger again and scare the kids any more than they already have been. Gemma's four now, and Ashton's three, and I've barely seen them over the last few months. I don't want that life for them. I want to be there for them like a good father should be.
If I can have a job and my children back, that's all I want. Well, and Jenny. I want her back too. But that's not going to happen, is it?
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Out of Character Section
What are they not telling us? What secrets do they have to hide? What back story are we not hearing? This is where you can tell us all the things your character wouldn't put on an application, or others don't know.: ((Remember, if you put all their back story as a secret, we won't be able to admit them to Hallowsgate! This section is for secrets only, not the entire character history. We need most of the info in the main app so we can process it!))
Alex never had any intention of settling down and having children, believing that he was actually gay until he met Jenny and she changed everything for him. Now, he would like to have more children one day, maybe even adopting children. He has no intention of ever forgetting Jenny though, because she really did - and still does - mean the world to him. He is likely to 'adopt' other patients if given the chance, even though he is very insecure in himself. He finds it gives him a purpose if he has to look after someone else.
Here's a timeline to help clear up any confusion over where he was and when:
0-10 years old: He lived in Washington with his mom, dad and brother.
10 years old: His dad left his mom.
10-17 years old: He lived in Utah with his mom and brother.
17 years old: His mom died.
17-22 years old: He lived with his brother, still in Utah. He worked in the local gym during this time.
22-23 years old: He trained to join the military. He trained in Fort Hood in Texas.
23-26 years old: He was deployed to Bamberg in Germany with the 6th Field Artillery Regiment.
26-27 years old: He was deployed to Iraq with the 6th Field Artillery Regiment.
27-28 years old: He was injured in battle and was shipped back to the United States. He lived in a specialist military hospital in El Paso, Texas, while he recovered as best as he was able to. He met Jenny at the hospital.
28-29 years old: He was medically discharged from the army. He rested at home and tried to find some sort of work.
29-30 years old: He found work in Vegas and moved away from Jenny. He worked there for about 6 months as a CCTV monitor for a nightclub, and became something of an alcoholic.
30 years old: Gemma was born. He married Jenny and moved in with her back in Texas, in Fort Worth. He got a job as a telephone salesman. he gave up drinking for his kids and wife.
31-32 years old: Ashton was born.
32 years old: Jenny died in a car crash. He gave up work to look after his children. He became extremely depressed, to the point where he wanted to kill himself, and he became much more alcohol dependant.
33 years old: He first attempted to take his own life. His children were removed to Jenny's parents.
34 years old: He again attempted to take his own life and was hospitalised. He is now a permanent in-patient until he can prove he is capable of looking after himself without causing any threat to himself, or his children.
Your Nickname: Ellee
Your Chatango Screen Name: Iamellee
Your Character's Playby: Colin Farrell
by Guest Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:04 pm
I think I included everything XD Sorry if the app was a bit long. I've played this character for years, so I guess I tend to write a lot about him XD
